


Mechanical Boy

by fandomsandshit



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Companionable Snark, Dead Ben Hargreeves, Gen, Good Parent Grace Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy Gets A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy is So Done, Number Five | The Boy-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28217634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsandshit/pseuds/fandomsandshit
Summary: On the 7th January, 1996, Number Five Hargreeves died. His adoptive father, Reginald, pushed him too far, and he disappeared into the folds of reality.On the 5th February, 1996, Number Five Hargreeves returned, a creation more similar to that of Grace Hargreeves than of his siblings.This is his story.(This fic is inspired by @soulykins tumblr, in-tua-deep. Credit for the idea goes to them!)
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves & Grace Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Diego Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Grace Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Reginald Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 17
Kudos: 132





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Soulykins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulykins/gifts).



> like I mentioned in the summary, credit for this idea goes to in-tua-deep on tumblr! I was kind of obsessed with this idea for a while, so I decided to write it. updates will be extremely irregular, and I hope you enjoy it! =D

**5 th February, 1996**

“Number Five, can you hear me?”

A blue light shone from behind synthetic eyelids. Fingers twitched and turned as a light whirring filled the air. Reginald Hargreeves watched stoically as the figure in front of him straightened into awareness, the soft lamplight of his office making the glass eyes glisten. The blank eyes fixed on him.

“Number Five, can you remember what happened to your previous self?”

Number Five nodded slightly, no longer fixated on Reginald and instead taking in the surroundings. Pogo was stood in the corner of the room, face impassive. Grace was standing in the other corner, in Five’s direct line of sight, her face contorted with worry and compassion.

“And you understand why your siblings must never know?”

Another nod.

Reginald straightened up, gave a sharp inclination of the head to Pogo and they both made their way out of the door. Grace walked over to where Five was sat on the stiff green sofa, her pink and black dotted skirt flouncing slightly around her legs. She crouched in front of him, a small smile adorning her blood red lips, and she gently took his hand.

“Lets get you to your room, shall we?”

Five didn’t resist as she helped him stand, the whirring sound still audible as his legs adjusted to the movement. Together, they walked out.

**7 th June, 1997**

It was a cold, crisp morning when Five barged into the kitchen. Grace had been cleaning after making breakfast, with Diego hovering by her side. She was humming quietly as she worked, fully focussed on the task at hand.

Then there was a sharp bang as Five slammed the door open.

“Mom, I need to talk to you.” Five said, before glancing at Diego’s curious face in his peripheral vision. “Alone.”

Diego scowled, but acquiesced, leaving the kitchen in a huff. Grace turned to him, taking in his eyes that usually were impassive, but now holding a certain gleam.

“What’s up, buttercup?” She asked, smiling when Five instinctively frowned at the name.

“I found something… unusual, regarding my self.”

“And what might that be?”

“Remember how my original self could manipulate space?” At Grace’s hum of agreement, Five continued excitedly. “Well, I figured out the power relied heavily on adapted versions of some quantum physics equations, and now I can do it too!”

He demonstrated by jumping to the corner of the room in a flash of blue, then jumping back to Grace’s side.

“Isn’t this amazing?” He gushed, unaware of this small frown painted on her face. “Now I can finally help my siblings with their missions and training!”

Grace put a wide grin on her face, only slightly forced, as she praised his abilities. He rushed out of the room, no doubt in order to tell Vanya or Ben about the new development, as Grace’s hard drive went into internal conflict.

While it was amazing that Five could jump through space, it also meant that he would have to go through training with Mr. Hargreeves. She was already well aware that Five had put some… _modifications_ on his code, giving him more free will and allowing him to circumvent some rules built into his mother board. She only feared that this new training could result in some major changes to Five’s code.

Grace snapped herself out of those thoughts, and turned back to cleaning the kitchen. She would just have to wait and see the outcome.

**16 th November, 2002**

Five was sat at the dining table with the rest of is siblings. Herr Carlson’s voice wafted through the room, and a cursory glance around the room told him that no one was paying attention to him. Five had just managed to override a key piece of his code, which boiled down to ‘You cannot leave the house without the company of another family member’. Technically, Five _was_ a family member, so he was clear. He was prepared to time travel, and he was going to do it with or without Reginald’s permission.

His steel steak knife cut into the table with a resounding bang. “I have a question.”

“Knowledge is an admirable goal, but you know the rules.” His father answered without so much as a flinch. “No talking during mealtimes. You are interrupting Herr Carlson.”

Five glared at him, his face full of contempt. “I want to time travel,” he stated forcefully.

“No.”

“But I’m ready! I’ve been practicing my spacial jumps, just like you said.” To demonstrate, he jumped right next to Reginald’s chair and scowled at him. “See?”

“A spacial jump is trivial when compared with the unknowns of time travel.” Reginald replied without missing a beat. “One is like sliding along the ice, the other is akin to descending blindly into the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn.”

“Well, I don’t get it.”

“Hence the reason you are not ready.”

“I’m not afraid,” Five spat out.

“Fear isn’t the issue. The effects it might have on your body, even on your mind, are far too unpredictable.” His father’s cutlery clattered to the table as he turned to face him. “Now, I forbid you to talk about this anymore.”

He was no doubt trying to access the line of code that made him obedient to Reginald’s statements. Unfortunately for him, Five had shut down that command only moments prior.

Five turned to look back at his siblings. Luther, Allison and Diego had their heads turned downwards to their plates, ignoring the situation. Klaus was fiddling with something under the table, and Ben was absent-mindedly reading a book. Only Vanya had her eyes on him, and she shook her head frantically when he looked at her.

Five knew that the smart thing to do would be to return to his seat and take whatever punishments were thrown his way, but he just _couldn’t._ Reginald had already killed him once before, and Five wasn’t going to stand there and take his abuse. Not when all it would take to kill him was a well-placed flame.

So Five turned and ran out the front door.

Distantly, he could hear his father calling after him, but he didn’t care. He was going to prove him wrong – he was going to time travel, and do it well, and then he was going to return and get his siblings out of that godawful house.

With this in mind, Five recalled the equations he had put together in his room, clenched his hands into fists, and _pushed._ A blue light fizzed around his fists as he broke through the restraints of Time, manipulating It into following his will, before he was spat out.

A cursory glance told him that it was summer. The sticky, humid air made his uniform stick to his skin, and also made his wires feel uncomfortably hot. Elated with the outcome, Five pushed again going even further forward, and getting spat out in a winter scene.

Throngs of people walked by him, covered head to toe in thick coats and woollen hats. Five pushed again.

This time, Time spat him out in a wildly different scene.

Smoke wafted around him, and raging fires sputtered from collapsed buildings. Rubble and debris lined the previously packed streets. Five spun around, wishing that something were wrong with his optical nerves. Barely thinking anymore, he ran back to the academy.

It was a mound of fire, dust, and bricks.

“Vanya!” He called out, desperate for a response. “Ben! Dad! Anyone?!”

There was no reply.

Five tried to break through Time again, but she had clearly had enough of his antics. He was stuck.

He fell to his knees in front of the ruins of his home. If he could cry, he would have. The reality of the situation was crushing him, and he couldn’t find it in himself to move.

He couldn’t go back.

Well, Five knew that what others called impossible was merely only improbable. He was going to get back and save his family, or fry his circuits in the process.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who needs to shoot JFK when you could escape to your estranged siblings?

**22 nd November 1963**

Five was at the grassy knoll, stood on top of his briefcase in order to see over the fence. His rifle was hung by his side, safety on, as he frantically scribbled in a book titled _‘Extra-Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven’._ Complex equations covered each inch of every page. Technically, he didn’t need to write any of it down since his memory cache hadn’t degraded yet, but with the Commission watching, it was safer to write.

Five was _this_ close to solving his equations once and for all. Once done, he could finally go back to his siblings and stop the apocalypse. He was thinking about going back to when his siblings were thirteen, as it gave him a bucket load of time to stop the end of the world and he would match his siblings’ age. It was the smart thing to do.

Five still looked thirteen. Not much of a surprise, since he couldn’t exactly build an aged up body in the apocalypse, but it brought up some awkward questions with the Commission. He bullshitted some excuse of Time freezing his cellular function so he would never physically age as revenge for breaking her, and they all ate it up; even though it biologically made no sense. Oh well. Small mercies.

With a quiet gasp, Five circled one equation. It was perfectly balanced. He had done it. He could go home.

His gun dropped off his shoulder with a quiet thump, but he barely noticed as he clenched his fists together. A pulsing blue wave surrounded them, sparking erratically. Using up some of his remaining charge, he _pushed,_ much harder than he had ever done, and ripped a hole in Time.

He couldn’t believe his eyes. Through the rip, he could see a group of adults, all staring up with trepidation. The adults were identical to the bodies he found near the academy. His siblings.

This wasn’t when he wanted to end up, but he didn’t really have a choice. Time was piecing herself back together, and the rip grew smaller with each passing second. Pulling himself together, Five walked into the rip, forcing himself to keep going despite Time’s best efforts to keep him out.

The heat was almost unbearable against his wires, but he continued on, his mouth locked open in a silent scream. With one final push, he broke through, falling through the air and landing with a harsh thump against the cool stone courtyard.

**25 th March, 2019**

Looking up, Five saw the shocked faces of his siblings facing him. Alive. But old.

“Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?” asked one of them- _Klaus._ He looked so different compared to the last time Five had seen him alive. Then again, it had to have been over a decade since then for them.

Instinctively, Five tried to connect to the Wi-Fi, but was slightly surprised when he was blocked. They changed the password?

“Shit.”

Five stood up, wincing as his fingers whirred back into place. He must’ve dislocated them on the fall. Ignoring his siblings for the moment, he made his way into the house.

It looked the same as he remembered, only with a bit more dust coating the polished wood surfaces. He walked up to the nearest table, pulled out a chair and slumped into it. His charge was running low, so he’d have to find a charging port soon – there wasn’t exactly an abundance of sun to charge from at the moment.

His siblings trailed in behind him _(Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Vanya – no Ben)_ , taking their places around the table as well – except for Klaus, who plonked himself in the middle of the table. They didn’t say anything, just stared at him.

“What’s the Wi-Fi password?” Five asked, trying to break the awkward silence. He really wanted to connect wirelessly to Mom again, and have silent conversations just like they used to. When he got no reply, he said, “Well?”

“Uh, ‘hargreeves1989’,” Luther said, looking a bit shell-shocked. Five nodded in thanks, connected himself up and immediately set to work joining Mom’s network.

“What’s the date? The exact date.”

“The 24th.” Vanya replied, face pale.

“Of what?” Five asked exasperatedly.

“March.”

“Good.”

“So, are we gonna talk about what just happened?” Luther questioned. Five ignored him, more focussed on sending a message to Mom that consisted of ‘ _Hey Mom, I’m back, how’re things?’_ It was a little insensitive, but what exactly are you supposed to say to your mother after you haven’t seen her in 45 odd years?

Luther looked a bit put out, before claiming, “It’s been seventeen years.”

Five scoffed. “It’s been a lot longer than that.”

“Where’d you go?” asked Diego.

“The future. It’s shit, by the way.”

“Called it.” Klaus stuck his hand into the air.

Five looked around the room, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I should’ve listened to the old man. You know, jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is a toss of the dice.”

“Nice dress.” He said, finally taking note of Klaus’ wardrobe change. Mom hadn’t replied. Was she ok?

“Oh, well, danke!”

Vanya cut in, trying to bring the conversation back on track. “Wait, how did you get back?”

“In the end,” Five decided to indulge them, while worrying about the implications of Mom’s silence, “I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.”

“That makes no sense.” Diego muttered.

Five was about to reply with a biting remark, before an error sign flashed across his eyes. _Connection lost._

Slightly panicked, Five asked instead, “What’s up with Mom?”

Before any of them could even think to reply, Five stood up and was walking out of the room, tracking her. Like lost sheep, his siblings followed. Luther opened his mouth to interrupt, but a sharp elbow from Allison shut him up

He found her sitting by her charging port, humming quietly as she did her cross-stitch. He crouched in front of her, unconsciously mirroring her actions from 23 years ago.

“Hey Mom,” Five whispered, “I’m back.”

Her eyes focussed in on his face, before she broke out in a brilliant smile. “You look upset, I’ll go make some cookies.”

Five frowned bemusedly as she stood up, walking towards the kitchen while her cross-stitch clattered to the floor. His siblings, who had formed a semicircle around them, also looked on in confusion. Five vowed to figure out the issue in his spare time, but first turned to his family to address more pressing matters.

“So,” he started, “has the old man kicked it yet?”


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> klaus following five around and making multiple realisations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had no idea how to characterise the freak out, so you're stuck with this piece of shit :-)

**25 th March 2019**

You know, Klaus had been having a good day.

Mostly because Reggie kicked the bucket – yay! But this was _really_ killing his vibe. More specifically, Five was killing his vibe. Now, Klaus loved his smallest brother, but he was all business, business, business. And Klaus wasn’t in the right state of mind to take on lots of responsibilities right now.

He was spinning the tassels of his (Allison’s) skirt through his fingers, beaming at Five’s compliment, before the contrary little shit was marching out of the room. Klaus jumped off the table and was quick to follow, because this is the most drama he’d been subject to for a while.

He bounded up the stairs, not really paying attention to his surroundings, but then focussed on Mom. Five was crouching in front of her, whispering something as she stared dazedly on. Ok, maybe something _was_ wrong with Mom, but how the fuck did Five know that? He’d only been at the house for what, 2 minutes, and hadn’t even seen her yet. Suspicious…

He voiced as much to Ben, who simply shot back with, “Shut up.” His slight frown, however, told Klaus that he was taking his statement into consideration.

All of a sudden, he was jumping out of Mom’s way as she powered past him, on a mission to do… something. He’d missed than part of the conversation.

“So,” Five started, facing them, “has the old man kicked it yet?”

Klaus let out a bark of laughter. “Oh yeah! The old bastard is definitely dead.”

Five nodded at that, looking thoughtful.

Just when he opened his mouth to say something else, Luther interrupted. “Five, where were you?”

“I told you already, asshole,” Five scowled, “the future. You want to hear it in French? _Le futur!_ ”

“Okay.” Allison interjected, placing a hand on Luther’s shoulder and subtly stepping in between the two. “I think what Luther wants to know, is why you didn’t come back?”

Abruptly, Five stood up, his shin knocking harshly into the corner of the charging port. Surprisingly, he didn’t cry out in pain, or move. No. The charging port moved instead. It screeched slightly as it skid across the floor, digging a deep scratch into the polished wooden floor. _What._

“That defies the laws of physics.” Ben mumbled, eyes wide as he stared at the newly-moved hunk of cushioned metal.

Klaus was at a lost for words. Little thirteen year olds should not be strong enough to absent-mindedly kick metal across the floor. Faintly, he could hear the others trooping out of the room to attend the funeral, but Klaus was still looking at the floor.

_I’m like 99.9% sure that Five doesn’t have super strength,_ he thought, _maybe it’s the drugs?_

“Hey Klaus!” Ben exclaimed, scaring the shit out of him. “Five’s on the move.” And indeed, he was.

Five had jumped up, and was taking off with a purpose. Klaus hastened to follow.

“What’re we doing, _mi hermano_?” He asked. “You aren’t going to the funeral, are you?”

“No,” Five said sharply, “I’m finding Mom so I can fix her.”

Klaus nodded sagely, before the words actually registered with his brain. “Do you even know how to do that? Like, I’m ninety percent sure that Dad made it impossible for her to be hacked.”

“We’ll see about that.”

They made their way to the kitchen, where Mom was staring vacantly out of the window, humming softly to herself. Out the window, Klaus could see the others, stood in a wonky circle, rain colliding heavily with their black umbrellas; or, rather, everyone’s umbrellas except for Diego, who was braving the elements. _Idiot._

“Hey Mom?” Five’s voice broke the silence, and Mom turned her blank eyes to him. Now that Klaus was properly looking, he could also tell that she was… off. Not quite the same as when he last saw her.

“Yes my dear?”

“I want to look over your circuits and code. I think Reginald fucked up your head.”

“Well, isn’t that nice.”

Klaus fixed Mom with an incredulous stare. Okay, something was _definitely_ wrong with her. Ben was eerily silent, skulking in the corner and scouring the scene with sharp eyes.

Five furrowed his brow, grabbed her hand, and started marching out the kitchen. Klaus followed closely, pondering the recent turn of events. They were walking towards the back of the house, and eventually stopped in front of a wall.

It was just a brown, empty wall. Nothing special about it. Klaus turned to ask Five what the fuck they were doing, when the wall started moving.

Okay, so there is something special about it.

It made a groaning, clunky noise as it moved to the left. Small bits of plaster and dust showered down upon the three, and eventually it showed a solid metal room. _That’s new._

“So, _mein b_ _rüder,_ what exactly are we doing and why is there a hole in the wall?”

Five turned his head to him, surprise barely visible in his dark eyes. “I thought you’d left.”

“ _Five!”_ Klaus gasped dramatically, placing a hand on his chest as he leant backwards slightly. “My estranged brother returns after seventeen years, of course I’m going to follow you!”

Five gave him a calculating look, before asking Mom, “Am I clear to tell him?”

“I doubt I could stop you.” She replied, eyes firmly locked on the metal room. Klaus’ eyes darted over to Ben, who shrugged minutely, silently conveying _I have no fucking clue._

“Get in the lift, then I’ll tell you.” Five said, using his free hand to gesture into the hole in the wall.

Klaus’ eyebrows furrowed. “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure this is how all protagonists die in the films, so-“

Five shoved him forward, and he stumbled over his feet as he fell into the silver deathtrap, Ben hot on his heels. He guided Mom in after him, and then pushed a button hidden in the corner of one of the walls.

The door groaned shut with a quiet clank, and suddenly them were moving down. The trip barely lasted thirty seconds, and Klaus spent most of that time reorienting himself. Then, the door opened again, except it was much faster and quieter. It revealed a single room.

It was cluttered with a multitude of computers and computer-shaped things. A singular, bright ceiling light was in the centre of the room, coating all the surfaces in a sleek shine. There was also a bookcase in the corner, filled to the brim with books and metal plates. Strangely enough, none of the books had covers or discernible titles.

Five marched in, dragging Mom behind him. He started talking to Klaus as he connected Mom to some computer. “Okay, so I was stuck in the future for forty five years.”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure you’re still thirteen.”

“That can be easily explained.”

The two were suffocated in silence for a short while, only broken by the clacking of keys as Five typed something.

“Is he going to continue?” Ben asked, peering over Five’s shoulder.

“Yeah, are you going to continue?”

Five shot him an unreadable look, then sighed and said, “I’m not human.”

“Okay, I’m fairly sure that none of us are really human anyway. Like, humans can’t commune with another spiritual plane, or-“

“No, I’m inhuman as in I don’t have flesh or blood.”

Another awkward silence filled the room.

“As in I’m made of wires, like Mom.”

The silence stretched.

“I’m a robot.”

Klaus stared blankly at him.

Five turned to glare at him, grabbed the skin of his left arm and ripped harshly.

“What the fuck!” Klaus screeched, jumping forward to stop him, but stopped short when a blue glow erupted from the rip. Five gave him a look, then plucked a wire out and connected it to Mom’s temple.

“Reginald fucked up elements from her code, and so I’m going to download-“

“What the fuck!”

“-commands from my own code that I programmed myself, granting her-“

“What the _fuck_!”

“-full autonomy and sentience, and she won’t obey orders from Reg-“

“ _What the fuck!_ ”

“Shut up!” Five yelled, giving him the darkest glare he could imagine. Klaus didn’t even react, eyes still locked onto the ripped _(synthetic)_ skin. Five’s face softened almost imperceptibly. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in-“

“You’re a _fucking robot!”_

“I am well aware.”

“Did you know?” Klaus turned to Ben, a finger pointed directly at his chest.

“Mhm.” Ben hummed, still glancing over the code on the computer screen. “I figured it out. Late puberty does not equate to still looking thirteen.”

“Who are you talking to?” Five asked, squinting in Ben’s general direction. “I’m guessing it’s a ghost.”

Klaus gulped, turning to Five. _Too tell the truth or to not tell the truth?_

“Don’t lie.”

_Telling the truth it is._

“It’s, uh, it’s Ben.”

“Okay. Hi Ben.” Five turned back to his work.

“That’s it?” Klaus asked incredulously. “No, _you can’t see ghosts when you’re high, Klaus! Stop tarnishing Ben’s memory!”_

“Are you high?”

“…Well, a bit I guess, but-“

“Then, I repeat, hi Ben.”

A shrill beeping cut in, effectively stopping Klaus’ next statement. Mom, who was still standing stiffly with a wire in her head, suddenly emitted a soft blue glow from her eyes. She blinked a few times, dissipating the light, and then turned to Five.

“Thank for doing that, my dear.”

“It was no problem Mom.” Five muttered, then glanced at Klaus. “Do you reckon the funeral’s over yet?”

Klaus had gotten over his freak out. Not entirely, but he decided he would deal with the situation better if he was unfazed by anything.

“I guess so. You guys wanna head back up?”

Five nodded his assent, and he went back into the lift with Mom close behind. As he passed Klaus, he patted his shoulder and murmured, “Thanks for not doing anything drastic.”

That was practically an _I love you_ coming from Five. “Aw, I love you too, _mi hermano!”_

A wide grin was stuck on Klaus’s face the entire way back up.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the griddy's shootout just got 10 times more dramatic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not how i planned this chapter to go, but it happened anyway! tw are in the end notes

**8 th August 2000**

The training room was empty. Empty, as in devoid of life. There were multiple plastic dummies, however, dressed as armed terrorists, that scattered the space. Outside the door, Reginald Hargreeves was stood, staring through the small window with a scowling face.

In the blink of an eye, the room was in disarray. All of the dummies were rocking back and forth, and many had knives buried in them up to their hilts. Heads roll around on the floor, and many of the arms or legs had been contorted into unnatural angles.

In the midst of it all, a small, serious boy blinked into existence, looking quite bored with the whole ordeal. He was fully intact, no melted metal, no erratic sparks.

An ugly, wicked smirk spread across Reginald’s face.

**25 th March 2019**

“I’m going to get coffee.”

Five blinked into the kitchen, startling Allison in the process. Klaus didn’t even look up.

“Do you even know how to drive?” Allison questioned.

Five blinked out of the room.

“Unbelievable.”

Klaus stood up and made his way out of the room.

“Where are you going?” she called after him.

“Sibling bonding.”

Allison was left standing alone in the middle of the kitchen, staring at an empty doorway.

\---

“Hey Five! Wait up, brother dearest!”

Five turned to glare at Klaus. “ _What_ do you _want?”_

“Well, actually, I had a-“ he cut himself off. “Okay, fine, _Ben_ had a question.”

Five stayed silent, eyebrows raised.

“How exactly are you planning on drinking coffee?”

Five stared at Klaus. He then directed his stare to Ben’s general area. “I’m not.”

“Can you even eat or drink?”

“No,” Five replied, “but I do have a basic mechanical digestive system. It was made so you lot wouldn’t get suspicious.”

Klaus frowned. “Do you shit?”

“What- no, Klaus, I don’t shit.” Five said forcefully. “I’m a _robot. Not human._ I just have to take my stomach out and clean it.”

“That’s gross,” Klaus muttered, scrunching his nose.

“Well, curiosity made the cat vomit in disgust.”

“That’s not how the saying goes.”

“ _I don’t give a shit, Ben.”_

“How did you know Ben said that?!”

“Because I’m fairly certain you don’t know that phrase.”

Klaus gave a loud, exaggerated offended gasp. He carried out the gasp for a short while, before running out of air and consequently started choking. He was bent over forwards, letting out rasping coughs while Five stared at him, unimpressed.

“Are you quite finished?”

“Yeah,” Klaus rasped, “I’m still alive, unfortunately.”

Five spun on his heel and made his way out of the door. Ignoring Klaus’s shouting behind him, he contemplated where to head. The Commission would be on his ass soon enough, so he had to find a secluded place to commit some casual felonies.

He didn’t have a tracker embedded in his skin, like most Commission agents – they would’ve figured out his mechanical nature, and his system would then most likely be in jars somewhere in time. Not pleasant. Instead, Five bullshitted some excuse of his molecular structure falling apart. Weirdly enough, they believed him.

To compensate, they melted a silver band thing into his skin, one embedded with a tracker. It should have been immensely painful; would have been, had it not been for the fact that he didn’t have nerves. Never had Five been so happy to be made of metal before.

Making up his mind, Five began walking down the street, whistling quietly as his eyes scanned the streets. It wouldn’t do to start a shootout in the middle of a throng of civilians – they’d get in his way.

Before Five could cross the street, something barrelled into him, knocking him down so he collided with the ground with a harsh clang. In a flash, he was up again, straddling his assailant and raising his fist to their face.

Then he stopped short. It was Klaus.

“Woah, woah, woah, little bro!” Klaus shrieked. “Don’t damage the goods!”

Five stared at him blankly for a moment, fury slowly growing. He let out a harsh breath, and stood up, preparing to storm off.

“Hey, wait,” Klaus scrambled up and jumped in front of him, arms spread out, “I, uh, I-“

“You _what,_ Klaus?” he bit out, reaching the end of his tether. “ _What_ could you possibly want now?”

Klaus gave a helpless look to his right, and glanced at Five again. Why is Klaus just wasting his time? He has shit to do. He landed seventeen years too far in the future and now he has to clean up the mess, and- oh.

_Oh._

_It’s been seventeen years._

Well, now Five feels like an asshole. Who’d have thought Klaus just wanted to spend time with him? Well, _maybe_ he could engage in sibling bonding after the apocalypse. Better yet, sibling bonding while trying to stop the apocalypse.

“Okay Klaus,” Five gave an unnerving grin, “I’ll humour you. I’m trying to stop the end of the world, an apocalypse, if you will, where I was trapped for forty five years. I’ve also got to get a tracker out of my arm. I will only be engaging in sibling bonding if it directly correlates to stopping this event.”

Klaus stared at him for a moment, glanced to his right _,_ then shrugged. “Let’s go, Hawaii Five-o.”

Five looked at him with incredulity.

“What? You weren’t lying about the robot thing, you probably aren’t lying about this, and Ben won’t shut up about spending time with you. Let’s go.”

With that, Klaus started to coddiwomple down the street, Five racing to catch up.

\---

Griddy’s Doughnuts.

Klaus had lead them to _Griddy’s Doughnuts._

“You are aware that I shouldn’t eat, right?”

“Yeah, but Ben wants waffles.”

“Ben’s dead, he shouldn’t get an opinion.”

“ _Jesus Christ, mi hermano._ That’s a tad harsh.”

“Sometimes the truth is.”

Klaus rolled his eyes and opened the door, forcing Five into the shop. It was barren, with the exception of the waitress, who was pottering around by the doughnut display, and a man, who was scouring his newspaper. The LED lights brightened their dark outfits, coating them with colour. Klaus dragged him over to a booth, sprawling across the cracked cushioned chairs. Five followed, sitting across from him, and stated, “Ben better be sitting next to me.”

Klaus grinned. “No, he’s actually still over- _alright,_ shut up. He’s by you.”

The waitress made her way to the three of them, and pulled out a tattered, worn notebook. “What would you like?” She asked, a small smile on her face.

Klaus drummed his fingers loudly against the table whilst Five said, “Nothing for me.”

“One chocolate sprinkle doughnut, and a-“ Klaus paused for a moment. “-yes, a triple chocolate waffle.”

She nodded her assent, and turned back to the counter.

“Alright, first order of business,” Five said, “do you know any random ditches where I could chuck the tracker?”

“Reggie’s office.”

“Any serious answers? Ben, you’re included in that.”

Klaus hummed. “He says crush it.”

“I would, but I want to throw them off their rhythm.” Five rolled his eyes.

“Stop being such a dramatic bitch, and crush it.”

Five huffed in annoyance. In the background, the bell on the door tinkled as it swung open, letting the tow truck driver leave and several men enter. A cursory glance told him they were all armed, and undoubtedly Commission agents. Five let out several silent strings of curses as a gun was levelled at his head.

“That was fast,” he said, trying to convey _run the fuck away_ to Klaus with his eyes, “I thought I’d have more time before they found me.”

“Okay,” said the one pointing a gun at Five’s head, “So let’s all be professional about this, yeah? On your feet and come with us. They want to talk.”

“I’ve got nothing to say.”

“It doesn’t have to go this way. You think I want to shoot a kid? Go home with that on my conscience?”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry about that.” Five murmured, fingering the edge of his butter knife. “You won’t be going home.”

With that, he blinked behind him and stabbed the knife straight into his neck. Gunshots started ringing through the shop, and Five was faintly aware of Klaus dropping underneath the table. He blinked again, and appeared in a deceptively casual pose on a table across the room.

“Hey assholes,” Five called. When they turned and shot in that area, he was gone, blinking outside the glass door and then watched them decimate a poster. He knocked lightly on the door, and one of the grunts turned to him. He gave a mocking salute. Again, he blinked out of the way as bullets shattered the glass.

When he resurfaced, Five broke a mop in two and stabbed one end into the man’s torso, then blinked and strangled another with his tie. Someone tried to remove him, so he picked up another butter knife and punctured his shin, chucked a plate across the room at a different grunt, before proceeding to rip the knife out and stuck it into the previous guy’s eye with a sickening squelch.

Two got back up, and had their guns trained on him. At the very last moment, Five blinked away, causing them to shoot each other.

In the wake of the chaos, he removed his tie from a corpse, and wandered over to the lone survivor. In one swift motion, he snapped his neck.

“ _Five,_ holy Jesus baloney, are you okay?!” Klaus rushed over to him, hands fluttering awkwardly over him. Five snarled at him, walking over to the counter and pulling out a massive knife.

“What are you going to do with that?”

Five responded by slamming it down just below his right wrist. A harsh, grating sound filled the room as the knife cut through the synthetic skin, thin metal and sturdy wires. He raised the knife again, and slammed it back down. Once, twice, three times, until his hand was severed off entirely. Sparks popped and crackled from the broken wires.

“Five!” Klaus shrieked, trying to stop him. “ _What the hell are you doing?!”_

“Tracker.” Five spat out through gritted teeth. Warning and error messages were flashing up left and right, saying ‘loss of connection to right hand detected’. _Yeah, no shit._ “I would’ve preferred to keep my hand attached, but we’re a little short for time right now.”

“You didn’t have to cut your hand off, holy shit!”

Five just shrugged, dropped the knife and picked up his hand. He started walking out the door. “We need to leave before the police arrive.”

“Ben thinks you’re crazy, I hope you know!”

“I never contested otherwise! Now come on!”

Klaus hurried to catch up, keeping a mantra of _what the shit_ under his breath. Ignoring him, Five dropped his hand on the floor and ground his heel where it was severed. The metal band crumpled under his weight, his hand along with it. He picked it back up, grabbed Klaus and teleported back to the mansion.

_Well, that’s not how I wanted today to go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: graphic violence (it's the griddy's shootout scene), and depictions of a severed limb
> 
> in case you couldn't tell, five & klaus being bros sustains my soul


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the rest of the fam finds out. what kind of shit will go down?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright they are probably all ooc but i tried ok :D

**25 th March 2019**

They landed in the foyer of the Academy, Klaus stumbling to the ground. _How the fuck does Five do this every time? I feel sick as fuck._

In the background, Ben snorted loudly. He hissed at him.

“Get up Klaus.” Five muttered, inspecting his hand. Oh right. Five cut his hand off. That is a _major_ cause for concern.

“MOM!” Klaus yelled, eyeing him warily. “FIVE CUT HIS HAND OFF!”

Mom entered into the foyer from the lounge, looking disapprovingly at Five. “Now, now, dear,” she tutted, gently grasping what was left of his wrist, “you shouldn’t resort to such drastic measures.”

“There was a tracker in my wrist Mom, I didn’t exactly have a choice.” Five growled.

“There’s always a choice dear.”

She started to lead him to the infirmary, and then Klaus noticed the other occupants in the room. Allison and Luther were standing in the doorway, staring at Five in horror. Ben muttered, “Here we go again.”

Luther seemed to break out of his trance first, saying, “Five- what did- Five cut his _hand_ off?”

Klaus stood up and sauntered over to them, still feeling slightly nauseous. “Yuperino.”

“Then why wasn’t he bleeding?”

“Uhhhh….”

Now he was in a bit of a pickle. Tell them the truth, and risk betraying Five’s trust, or say nothing, and risk Luther chucking him? He shot a look at Ben, who was about to start following Mom. When he noticed Klaus’ eyes on him, he sighed and said, “Tell them. I don’t think Five actually cares.” Then Ben left, abandoning him to the wolves. _Prick._

“Uh, well, you see, Five is kinda, actually, a robot like Mom?” He ventured, eyeing them warily. Allison kept opening and closing her mouth, her face slack in disbelief and horror. Luther was just glaring at him.

“Tell the truth Klaus. Five is missing his hand, we don’t have time for your games.”

_Well that stung a bit._

“No, no, no, I’m being entirely serious.” He said whilst flapping his arms around, “You can go see for yourself! I mean, don’t take the word of a junkie on a drug trip.”

Luther pushed him to the side, and marched down to the infirmary. That spurred Allison into action, as she quickly followed behind with Klaus in tow.

Five was sitting in an armchair, his arm on the table as Mom began closing the broken wires. There was the occasional spark, but she was not deterred. She also appeared to be… dragging his skin across the wound? _What?_

“Klaus filled you in?” Five asked absently.

Luther’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, he did, I just-“

“What happened, Five?” Allison cut in, staring at him with concern. “Are you alright?”

He waved her off. “I’m fine. And I believe that what happened is none of your business.”

“Five, we have a right to know.” Luther said, rising up to his full height. “You show up out of the blue after seventeen years, and- what? You’re a robot now?”

“No, I was always a robot Luther. You were just too stupid to notice.”

Luther bristled, and opened his mouth, but Allison placed a hand on his shoulder. She glanced at him, before turning back to Five. “We’ll talk about this in the morning, yeah? Let Mom fix him up.”

She guided him out the room, and the door swinging shut cut off any conversation they might be happening. Klaus plopped down on the floor next to Five’s chair, Ben doing the same.

“Tell him he’s a fucking idiot and that I wish I was corporeal so I could slap him.”

“Uh, Ben wants you to know that you were stupid.”

Five scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly what he said.”

Mom walked away from them during this enlightening discussion, and came back with a bigass blowtorch. “Klaus, I would advise you to back away momentarily.”

Klaus, not needing to be told twice, quickly scooted away, eyeing the blowtorch with worry. Mom proceeded to turn it on and blast it directly onto Five’s wrist. She held it there for a few seconds. then turned it off and replaced it. Cautiously, Klaus creeped back over and stared at the red-hot metal.

“What did that do?”

“Melded my framework and skin back together. I don’t particularly want my skin to drop off with no warning.”

“Fair enough.”

Then Klaus settled back against the armchair, leaning ever so slightly on Five’s legs. “Klaus, what are you doing?” Five asked, looking at him warily.

“Chilling with my favourite brother.” He responded.

“I thought that was me?”

“I thought that was Ben?”

Five and Ben spoke simultaneously. Klaus rolled his eyes and muttered, “Fine, favourite _alive_ brother. Now shut up, I’m sleeping here.”

Klaus did indeed fall asleep there, Ben at his side and Five on the verge of warping away.

**26 th March 2019**

Klaus awoke to raised voices.

He yawned and stretched out the crick in his back, before stumbling down the hallway to the loung, where an interesting sight greeted him.

Vanya was perched on the couch, seemingly in shock, while Allison sat next to her rolling her eyes. Luther and Diego were yelling at each, pointing fingers and gearing up for a fight.

“What’s the kerfuffle, dearest siblings?” Klaus yawned. “Who pissed in our cereal?”

“Don’t you start Klaus,” Luther said, “you knew all this time and didn’t think to tell us!”

“Knew what?”

“That Five was like Mom!”

“Oh, yeah that was kinda because he didn’t tell me to tell you. I know how to keep secrets!”

Diego rounded on him, his eyes ablaze as he pointed at Luther. “This asshole wants to shut him down!”

That was met with a cacophony of exclamations, with Vanya and Klaus turning on Luther while Allison sat to the side, clearly hesitant.

Luther’s voice cut over the noise. “ _He cut off his own hand._ His hardware is degrading. We need to turn him off.

“He’s not just a vacuum cleaner that you can throw in a closet!” Diego yelled back. “He feels things. I’ve seen it!”

“Mostly anger, but that’s a feeling too,” Klaus agreed.

“He cut off his hand, Diego, with no second thought!”

“I’m with Luther,” Allison interjected.

“Surprise, surprise.”

She shot Diego a sour look. “Shut up. We can just turn him off until Pogo fixes his hardware.”

They all turned to Vanya. Shying under the attention, she stammered, “I- I don’t-“

“Yeah, she shouldn’t get a vote.” Diego muttered.

“I was going to say that I agree with you.”

“Okay! She should get a vote!”

He spun to Klaus, pointing his knife at him. “What about you, stoner boy? What do you got?”

“I think, Five’s our brother,” Klaus said incredulously, “you want to _kill_ our brother?”

Luther’s cheeks flushed. “No, I just-“

“Luther! Doesn’t Five being family mean anything to you?”

There was a pause. Everyone turned to look at Luther, who was completely silent. Klaus laughed scornfully, and stated, “I’m going to go find our _brother._ Vanya, Diego, you in?”

Vanya nodded, and started trailing out the door. Diego hesitated for a moment, shot a hateful look to Luther, then followed suit.

“You know, if Ben were here, he’d agree with me.”

“Fuck yeah Klaus!” Ben exclaimed. “Prove their idiocy!”

Klaus was the last out, skipping as he slammed the doors shut.

Allison and Luther were left standing alone.

\---

Five sighed as he warped into the mansion. Meritech was a bust for now, at least until he came up with a plan. As he walked through the foyer, Luther’s voice reached his ears.

“ _He cut off his own hand._ His hardware is degrading. We need to turn him off.”

Well, three guesses as to who he’s talking about. Admittedly, it stung that Luther was suggesting murder, but then again, he’d been expecting this. Klaus – and hopefully Vanya – were exceptions.

“He’s not just a vacuum cleaner that you can throw in a closet!” Oh, so Diego was yelling now. “He feels things. I’ve seen it!”

It was surprising that Diego was defending him – especially since Five couldn’t recall telling him – but understandable. Five’s situation was a lot similar to Mom’s – Diego would’ve done the same thing if Luther suggested turning her off.

Regardless, Five was not going to stand around while they debated whether to kill him. He had an apocalypse to stop. So, he was going to go up to his room, and start some more calculations.

He blinked into his room. Step one complete. Now for step two.

Except, he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. Not while his family – _his family –_ were going to turn him off. Who knew that one little thing could break a bond apart? Sure, they hadn’t exactly been close, but they were still siblings. Still family.

It hurt.

Five swallowed a few times, a lump in his throat. He was not crying. He _wasn’t._ He couldn’t cry anyway. He was going to finish his calculations and then save the world (and his siblings) even if they didn’t care.

With that in mind, he picked up a piece of chalk from his desk and stepped closer to the wall.

There was a knock at his door.

He halted. Spinning rapidly, he stormed up to the door and swung it open, revealing Klaus, Diego and Vanya.

“What do you want?” Five hissed.

“Well, _mein_ _brüder,_ we came to spend time with our-“

Diego interrupted him. “How much of the racket downstairs did you hear?”

“Enough to know that some more people want me dead.”

Just when Five was about to slam the door in their faces, Vanya darted forwards and wrapped him up in a hug. He froze.

It’s been 45 years since someone hugged him.

Carefully, he placed his arms around her. He was about to let go, when Klaus exclaimed, “Group hug!” and barreled into them both. They fell on the floor with a resounding thud.

Klaus and Vanya were giggling to themselves, while Diego stood above them with an amused smirk on his face. Five was struggling to keep a straight face.

Eventually, they let go. Five brushed himself off and cleared his throat, before turning back to his calculations.

“Hey Five?” Vanya asked softly. “What are you doing?”

“Calculations.”

“For what?”

“How to prevent the apocalypse.”

There was a sudden silence as Vanya and Diego looked at Five in disbelief. Klaus was just nodding along.

Diego stared at Five. “The what now?”


End file.
